To be an idea

It is late and dark and I lie alone, questioning.

Because this tiny piece of what used to be, and currently trying to be again, a human heart had made a silent wish into the darkness that had robbed me of my sleep.

A wish to be just a mere idea; a formless thing, perfect in its incompleteness, without this physical shell in which a soul resides  feeling trapped.

Wishing two naked unbound souls would not be hindered by this physicality, this quantifiable distance in between.

I am sleep deprived, and I feel that having a body is getting in the way of my attaining peace.

My sleep deprived brain longs for a companionship that would make no sense outside of said brain; between two hearts, in complete trust and devotion to their Creator  their Governor, their Keeper.

Unhindered by the needs of this form. The need to be close enough to feel 37°C of body warmth; the need for human touch; the need to see those same features: eyes, nose, lips; the need to hear the sounds the other body makes; the need to breathe in the scent it gives.

Because imagine not having those needs. Imagine just pure souls, brothers and sisters at heart, advancing together in complete unity and understanding down the straight path.

Sleep deprived brain not making any sense.

Imagine you were just an idea. The mere thought of you doesn't hurt. In maybe for those who care for you at all, just your existence in their minds and their hearts is enough to soothe them through the hardships they face.

Imagine you weren't a withered soul trying to piece yourself back together after what being in your body had done to you. Imagine you weren't still stuck in that body as you do.

My sleep deprived brain thinks that all those things a body needs do consume the soul, making it lose sight of things more fulfilling than the physical existence.

Faith. Just have faith. Improve, always. Always. Just get back up.

Now, the question I pose to myself: why?

Why wish to be something else so you would be accepted by another physical form?

When you're already a realised idea by the ultimate entity, Who readily loves you, accepts you for everything that you are?

I need to learn to let go. Detach myself from notions that do not help me at all in attaining my peace.

I should start by giving my sleep deprived brain some sleep.