No words
My flight back to KK is on Saturday at 1945 hours. I had the hardest time ever getting out of bed last Tuesday. I didn't go to class. On Wednesday, thankfully, we only had that one replacement class so I went. There was a swimming class too and I can not drown myself now.
There had been no classes all Thursday. There will be no class on Friday too. Most of my classmates have gone home.
I've had absolutely nothing to do, and will still have nothing better to do until the evening of my flight back. This frustrates me. Thoroughly.
So, here's another emo entry. Proceed for even less sensible ramblings.
It really sucks when you can't find words to describe how you're feeling. I've been having one of those moods where I just do... nothing. I'd really like a friend right now. Someone who won't need me to explain myself if I suddenly just snuggle close and stay there in companionable silence.
She'll be a really nice girl who smells tasty. Vanilla, perhaps. She'll be as comforting as my mother from before mum got her depression. She'll be the big sister I never had. She won't judge me, and she'll accept me for all that I am, good and bad and miserable. And she won't mind harmless kisses from me. Her temple, her cheeks, her fingertips.
I'm not sexually attracted to girls, I just find that they make better company. Especially when I want to share feelings that I can't describe. Guys already have a hard time expressing themselves in that concern. A girl would always at least try to say how she's feeling. She won't always succeed in making others understand, but she'll never fail to vocalize it anyway, and I actually want that from a friend.
I've been thinking about marriage, too. Indeed, the only reason I'd go for it is to have someone I can be physically close with. Later when he gets bored or wants children, we'll find ourselves a second wife. Then I'll have myself a pretty girl who smells of vanilla to cuddle with after all. I hope there's such a girl.
Hah. I wish. If there were, she'll be as miserable as I am.
Oh, then we could be miserable together.
But then what guy would want two miserable wives. ¬¬
What? Of course we should be married to the same man. Girls have needs other than mere companionship. And if we were married to different men then we'll be in different families with different ties and that's not very conducive for the kind of company I'm hoping for.
Haih. If only it was allowed to marry your sister's husband. My sister Rei isn't the cuddly type and she does terribly mind kisses and she does not smell of vanilla, but I've known her all her life, so she would have done nicely. If only.
Hurm. So it's back to the glass house atop a cliff overlooking the sea, with 94 cats and shelves and shelves of books again.
I wonder if I'm actually high when I post entries like this one? [shrug]
There had been no classes all Thursday. There will be no class on Friday too. Most of my classmates have gone home.
I've had absolutely nothing to do, and will still have nothing better to do until the evening of my flight back. This frustrates me. Thoroughly.
So, here's another emo entry. Proceed for even less sensible ramblings.
It really sucks when you can't find words to describe how you're feeling. I've been having one of those moods where I just do... nothing. I'd really like a friend right now. Someone who won't need me to explain myself if I suddenly just snuggle close and stay there in companionable silence.
She'll be a really nice girl who smells tasty. Vanilla, perhaps. She'll be as comforting as my mother from before mum got her depression. She'll be the big sister I never had. She won't judge me, and she'll accept me for all that I am, good and bad and miserable. And she won't mind harmless kisses from me. Her temple, her cheeks, her fingertips.
I'm not sexually attracted to girls, I just find that they make better company. Especially when I want to share feelings that I can't describe. Guys already have a hard time expressing themselves in that concern. A girl would always at least try to say how she's feeling. She won't always succeed in making others understand, but she'll never fail to vocalize it anyway, and I actually want that from a friend.
I've been thinking about marriage, too. Indeed, the only reason I'd go for it is to have someone I can be physically close with. Later when he gets bored or wants children, we'll find ourselves a second wife. Then I'll have myself a pretty girl who smells of vanilla to cuddle with after all. I hope there's such a girl.
Hah. I wish. If there were, she'll be as miserable as I am.
Oh, then we could be miserable together.
But then what guy would want two miserable wives. ¬¬
What? Of course we should be married to the same man. Girls have needs other than mere companionship. And if we were married to different men then we'll be in different families with different ties and that's not very conducive for the kind of company I'm hoping for.
Haih. If only it was allowed to marry your sister's husband. My sister Rei isn't the cuddly type and she does terribly mind kisses and she does not smell of vanilla, but I've known her all her life, so she would have done nicely. If only.
Hurm. So it's back to the glass house atop a cliff overlooking the sea, with 94 cats and shelves and shelves of books again.
I wonder if I'm actually high when I post entries like this one? [shrug]
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