wtf.
[emo entry alert]...
[sigh] I thought I left this, this feeling, state of being, whatever, a long time ago. I thought human beings are constantly changing, growing? Okay not constantly, but to some extent, somewhat, yes? Maybe like a sinusoidal ...rate?
Bah. I just read that in a book or something. Doesn't help that most of the stuff I read are from the fantasy section.
Oh, wow, I just remembered it's a New Year. o.O
Now then, because I live in the past, I must first recount every little thing that had happened and had anything to do with me in the last year. But I'm also lazy, so I will not bother doing so coherently. Muahaha.
Let's see... January. Eh... I don't remember anything from January. And February. Actually, I'm drawing blanks from the entire first half of last year... Well July 10th was my birthday AH YES.
The last Harry Potter movie came out, yes... I got to watch it a day before its premier in the States, and not because of the time difference. I remember I stood waiting for the counter to open that morning. I didn't have to actually, I was the only one there... Yea. It was Thursday, I promised to watch it together with my sisters, so I had to buy the tickets for the show that started after school.
I had a one-hour window between when the school bell rings and the movie begins. Oh, how I made time travellers out of my sisters that day. I think I was the only one who cried when it ended. Among those of us in that slot anyway.
August. I won't forget August. August was when I was going to finally conquer Mount Kinabalu. It was just that mountain that was standing right there in my bloody backyard, and it also happens to be the highest (tallest?) mountain in South-east Asia. But alas, when we (my cousin and I) made the plans back in late 2010, we failed to double-check the calendar and we ended up abandoning the plan altogether.
Because as August drew near last year, we slowly came to our senses and found that it coincided with the fasting month. We just didn't have it in us to want to conquer mountains while fasting.
It wasn't a solid plan to begin with anyway. It was just a few texts exchanged between two young adults who were getting ahead of themselves with the coming holidays.
I will climb that mountain someday. I will. I mean I've only been to Paris once and I've already gone up the Eiffel Tower. But Mount Kinabalu, just sitting there about what, 3, 4 hours' drive away from my bloody house?
By early September (Eid) I had put on an extra 10kg. Those instant porridges I lived off during the last week of my last term in Foundation Studies can't have had anything to do with that, can they? I mean, they looked like Styrofoam bits prior to adding water, there can't have been anything in them? Right? Anyway...
And the rest that happened up until my last entry here are all accounted for in previous posts.
I develop an obsession over one thing or another every other month or so, but they never last longer than after the related, urm, fandom, urm, ends (that made no sense, but meh). Most times even sooner than that. Like, when I finished watching Avatar (the other one, the one with Aang and Appa and Zuko, those), I stopped insisting on catching every single tweet that Dante Basco made. When season 5 of House premiered, I wanted to rip my head off but then decided to just stop following the series altogether. Recently I decided not to bother with the next season of Leverage, no matter how much I like Parker.
And I didn't watch any of those on TV. No. I finished most of them over a weekend or two. Yeah. Short-lived obsessions. I mean, I like sleeping because it's like being dead minus the commitment.
But dammit it's been longer than usual and I still can't get Colin Morgan out of my head. THOSE EYES MAN... HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE EYES.
Yeah, I did stuck with Harry Potter till the very end. But between the beginning and the end of that decade I obsessed over one after another character. Still short-lived obsessions right there.
I'm supposed to be studying right now, or was it sleeping? But I'm eating another one of these Knorr cup porridges, the ones that are "ready in 2 min", they're by Unilever, we did an assignment on that firm earlier...
So that's 2011. Yea. The problem with living in the past is not just limited to not being able to move forward; there's also the fact that nobody is going to slow down and wait for you to catch up. This was how I lost my one and only best friend. We were friends for 7 years. She knew me for me. Now? Even I don't know who I am.
I have no New Year resolution; I'll just save myself from another year of disappointment.
I swear I was going to ramble about something else when I started this. Let's see...
I have faith, I do. I believe in the existence of the perfect entity i.e. God. Of course I do. Everyone does, no? It's innate or something. At the very brink of Death, or when you've tried everything to make it okay and it still isn't, what does anyone think about? "Oh God," is what, I'm sure.
Indeed, science has yet to prove or disprove the existence of God, but I don't count on science as a tool for something like this, I mean it has't yet explain how cell specialisation happens. There were two cells, they became one cell, which multiplies by two and again, and some of them just decides to go and become cardiac muscle, some went on to become axons, whatever, I'm just asking how they did that, decide to become this or that, you know. But hey, I already said I only seek out the fantasy section, or fiction in general, so I'm not up-to-date with how science is doing these days. I just count on it to ease the mechanical part of my life.
My belief is that there is a Governor, a Sustainer of all life. A perfect entity can't be missing the most important thing, no?, namely existence. I mean, it's Reason. Okay, so reason itself is a flawed tool
I really must sleep now, but it's only 20 past 11. I have four roommates who have been pulling all-nighters all week. Occasionally I get off my bed and scoff at my pathetic attempts at falling asleep with their table lamps on and walk over to their compartments to say "how's it going eh?". But I would find them sleeping in the most bizzarre positions with their intimidating notes clutched still firm in their hands, or balled up in thick blankets upon the floor. I then turn off their lamps, go back to my bed, and hope to die.
I haven't started studying. I've come up with every pathetic reason not to. Most of the time the reason is I've lost half the day sleeping. It doesn't make any sense to me, what they're doing. You sleep better at night, you know? And you stay conscious better during the day when you've had good sleep the night before.
It makes no fucking sense. At all.
I know I'm being selfish, they study better when it's somewhat dark, or quiet, or both. But can I please get some decent sleep three or four days a week? It's taking a toll on my sanity for goodness' sakes. I broke down crying the other night.
I can't talk to my roommates! I just want my sleep! I know I'm being irrational! Gimme my sleep!
Great. I think I'm about to cry again. Fuck this. Fuck all.
[sigh] I thought I left this, this feeling, state of being, whatever, a long time ago. I thought human beings are constantly changing, growing? Okay not constantly, but to some extent, somewhat, yes? Maybe like a sinusoidal ...rate?
Bah. I just read that in a book or something. Doesn't help that most of the stuff I read are from the fantasy section.
Oh, wow, I just remembered it's a New Year. o.O
Now then, because I live in the past, I must first recount every little thing that had happened and had anything to do with me in the last year. But I'm also lazy, so I will not bother doing so coherently. Muahaha.
Let's see... January. Eh... I don't remember anything from January. And February. Actually, I'm drawing blanks from the entire first half of last year... Well July 10th was my birthday AH YES.
The last Harry Potter movie came out, yes... I got to watch it a day before its premier in the States, and not because of the time difference. I remember I stood waiting for the counter to open that morning. I didn't have to actually, I was the only one there... Yea. It was Thursday, I promised to watch it together with my sisters, so I had to buy the tickets for the show that started after school.
I had a one-hour window between when the school bell rings and the movie begins. Oh, how I made time travellers out of my sisters that day. I think I was the only one who cried when it ended. Among those of us in that slot anyway.
August. I won't forget August. August was when I was going to finally conquer Mount Kinabalu. It was just that mountain that was standing right there in my bloody backyard, and it also happens to be the highest (tallest?) mountain in South-east Asia. But alas, when we (my cousin and I) made the plans back in late 2010, we failed to double-check the calendar and we ended up abandoning the plan altogether.
Because as August drew near last year, we slowly came to our senses and found that it coincided with the fasting month. We just didn't have it in us to want to conquer mountains while fasting.
It wasn't a solid plan to begin with anyway. It was just a few texts exchanged between two young adults who were getting ahead of themselves with the coming holidays.
I will climb that mountain someday. I will. I mean I've only been to Paris once and I've already gone up the Eiffel Tower. But Mount Kinabalu, just sitting there about what, 3, 4 hours' drive away from my bloody house?
By early September (Eid) I had put on an extra 10kg. Those instant porridges I lived off during the last week of my last term in Foundation Studies can't have had anything to do with that, can they? I mean, they looked like Styrofoam bits prior to adding water, there can't have been anything in them? Right? Anyway...
And the rest that happened up until my last entry here are all accounted for in previous posts.
I develop an obsession over one thing or another every other month or so, but they never last longer than after the related, urm, fandom, urm, ends (that made no sense, but meh). Most times even sooner than that. Like, when I finished watching Avatar (the other one, the one with Aang and Appa and Zuko, those), I stopped insisting on catching every single tweet that Dante Basco made. When season 5 of House premiered, I wanted to rip my head off but then decided to just stop following the series altogether. Recently I decided not to bother with the next season of Leverage, no matter how much I like Parker.
And I didn't watch any of those on TV. No. I finished most of them over a weekend or two. Yeah. Short-lived obsessions. I mean, I like sleeping because it's like being dead minus the commitment.
But dammit it's been longer than usual and I still can't get Colin Morgan out of my head. THOSE EYES MAN... HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE EYES.
Yeah, I did stuck with Harry Potter till the very end. But between the beginning and the end of that decade I obsessed over one after another character. Still short-lived obsessions right there.
I'm supposed to be studying right now, or was it sleeping? But I'm eating another one of these Knorr cup porridges, the ones that are "ready in 2 min", they're by Unilever, we did an assignment on that firm earlier...
So that's 2011. Yea. The problem with living in the past is not just limited to not being able to move forward; there's also the fact that nobody is going to slow down and wait for you to catch up. This was how I lost my one and only best friend. We were friends for 7 years. She knew me for me. Now? Even I don't know who I am.
I have no New Year resolution; I'll just save myself from another year of disappointment.
I swear I was going to ramble about something else when I started this. Let's see...
I have faith, I do. I believe in the existence of the perfect entity i.e. God. Of course I do. Everyone does, no? It's innate or something. At the very brink of Death, or when you've tried everything to make it okay and it still isn't, what does anyone think about? "Oh God," is what, I'm sure.
Indeed, science has yet to prove or disprove the existence of God, but I don't count on science as a tool for something like this, I mean it has't yet explain how cell specialisation happens. There were two cells, they became one cell, which multiplies by two and again, and some of them just decides to go and become cardiac muscle, some went on to become axons, whatever, I'm just asking how they did that, decide to become this or that, you know. But hey, I already said I only seek out the fantasy section, or fiction in general, so I'm not up-to-date with how science is doing these days. I just count on it to ease the mechanical part of my life.
My belief is that there is a Governor, a Sustainer of all life. A perfect entity can't be missing the most important thing, no?, namely existence. I mean, it's Reason. Okay, so reason itself is a flawed tool
I really must sleep now, but it's only 20 past 11. I have four roommates who have been pulling all-nighters all week. Occasionally I get off my bed and scoff at my pathetic attempts at falling asleep with their table lamps on and walk over to their compartments to say "how's it going eh?". But I would find them sleeping in the most bizzarre positions with their intimidating notes clutched still firm in their hands, or balled up in thick blankets upon the floor. I then turn off their lamps, go back to my bed, and hope to die.
I haven't started studying. I've come up with every pathetic reason not to. Most of the time the reason is I've lost half the day sleeping. It doesn't make any sense to me, what they're doing. You sleep better at night, you know? And you stay conscious better during the day when you've had good sleep the night before.
It makes no fucking sense. At all.
I know I'm being selfish, they study better when it's somewhat dark, or quiet, or both. But can I please get some decent sleep three or four days a week? It's taking a toll on my sanity for goodness' sakes. I broke down crying the other night.
I can't talk to my roommates! I just want my sleep! I know I'm being irrational! Gimme my sleep!
Great. I think I'm about to cry again. Fuck this. Fuck all.
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